Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I answered them...How about you?

While working on the Day Zero Project list (please go HERE!!!) this little baby popped up. Maybe I've been hiding under a rock but I haven't heard of it before! So I will check a thing off my list while sharing :-)

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 28
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? We spend entirely too much time following our head instead of our heart.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not! Doing is more rewarding than saying.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Everybody to feel happy.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Anything animal related, I'm a sucker for the little guys.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I'm taking a huge leap right now and doing what I believe in.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I think I'm doing a pretty darn good job at finding my happiness.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? We all make the decisions that affect our life, everyday I'm controlling the course of my life.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I'd like to hope I'm doing the right things right.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Leave them to their own opinion and never speak of the convo again. Everybody has their own opinions of people and situations, doesn't mean I have to like it or participate.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Be happy with every decision.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Not yet, definitely a bucket list item.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Feel.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Everybody is different, none of us will be 100% happy with the decisions another makes, even if it's your soul mate making the decision.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Going back to school. The fight.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? I don't believe so. I'm pretty good at letting go and moving on.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I want to go live in Rome for a couple months just to experience the culture. It looks beautiful and Im hoping the people are just as beautiful.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I have a 3 1/2 yr old I no longer get to push the button ;-)
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? joyful simpleton
  22. Why are you, you? I am me because I am the greatest me.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I try to be the best friend I would want.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend right near you, best friends can still be best friends from miles away.
  25. What are you most grateful for? My daughter.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Toughie! I would say make new ones, the past is there for a reason after all.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? No.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Hopefully never.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? What time?
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? One that I will never forget will be holding Sean for the first time. I can remember everything and I was only 2, the color of the couch, that we slept in the parking lot of the hospital and how amazing his little face looked.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? When I decided to take a huge leap and go for something I've been wanting to do for a while. It will be a struggle at first, no doubt, but it's a dream that I shouldn't give up on.
  32. If not now, then when? Never, if you don't do it now you may never have the chance to do it again. Just go for it!
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? You have the possibility of losing the satisfaction of completion. Just because you're not to the end of the race, doesn't mean you haven't achieved anything.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Yes.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because people's passion for their own beliefs fog the reality that not everybody believes the same thing.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? No.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? No. I honestly love my job. I would cut back my hours though.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I actually enjoy.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? I have had days like that before, but not today.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Welcome to my right now :-)
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? I would spend today with E, as much as I love and care for many others in my life I wouldn't waste a second with her.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No way! Famous people have no lives beyond the cover of People, I could never live like that. Being extremely attractive means nothing because I'm OK with myself and as long as the people I care about are calling me beautiful on a daily basis I must not need a bag over my head yet.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is merely walking the earth, Living is enjoying every step you take.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Right now. I should have done it a long time ago, but I just took a jump and let my heart lead.
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Mistakes hurt. Whether they are falling out of love, smashing your finger or losing a friend or career. It's the lesson that makes the pain go away.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Nothing, I'm getting judged beyond belief right now, but it's what's right for me and if somebody is judging you, then I don't think they really need to be in your life anyways. The rough times bring out the people that truly care about you.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? The last couple of weeks it's happened a lot ;-)
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love being happy. So I'm in the market of surrounding myself with people and things that make me happy. If you don't make me happy, be warned you will be removed from my life.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Specific days? No, but I will remember kind of what I was going through.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I am making them for me, finally.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Inspired by the Knottie Nesties

Why are men so terrified of a woman's purse?  There were some colorful responses and it really got me thinking.

How many times have you asked a boyfriend, fuck buddy or husband to go grab something out of your purse? I have a million times and I always end up with the whole damn purse on my lap. Really it's chap stick or my wallet!! Not like I asked you to grab a tampon or naughty toy (FYI there aren't any in my purse). And even if it was a tampon or the other would it really kill you? I mean if you're a boyfriend, husband or fuck buddy I'm more than likely sleeping with you which means those kind of things no longer register on the "not needing to know" list.

Is it really such a personal spot? Everything in my purse can be found in a drawer in the kitchen (pens not knives) or the bathroom which once again you are probably sharing with me at some point in the week if we are one of the above. I get men don't carry around a lot of stuff, but if you asked me to grab your Visa out of your wallet I wouldn't hesitate or even go digging through a coat pocket or glove box would be no big deal.

I swear men are friggen weird creatures a lot of the time.

That is all. Hope everybody had a wonderful Tuesday.

5 more days,


P.S. My pulled pork nacho food baby's name is Edward. I love him.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Fucktards and 4-way stops.

If you live here you better damn well know how to drive with a skiff, yes a SKIFF, of snow on the ground. There was so little snow this morning that the only places there was a trace was on the sidewalk and maybe in an unused turn lane. Do you think this stopped everybody from driving 8mph instead of the 35 they could have been going? No. Now lets combo shit holes with 4-way stops. 4-way stops are about the easiest thing to do while driving behind stop and go. After all you just stop and go on your turn, it's one of the first things you learn in drivers ed and yet everybody apparently forgets how to do this as soon as they turn the key.  If you're going to drive like a asshat dipped in bird shit please go back to whatever state you came from, and if you are from here please go punch yourself in the face for me.

I will be bed hunting this week.  I'm in need of a good nights sleep for once and I'm pretending that it's a bed problem and not the large amounts of activity that isn't allowing sleep.

Hugs and sugar plum fairies,


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Ai miei amici meravigliosi

Someday I will learn to speak Italian, until then Google Translate will make things look and sound awesome for me.

To my wonderful friends...

Alberto, my main woman, you have stuck with me through thick and thin, for this I thank you. You let me be happy, sad, mad and crazy and love me anyways. You knew things about me before I knew them and never pushed or prodded for answers but let me come to you when I needed to, never judging along the way. We have done everything together since we were 15, from running with crazy boys, to nice ones, putting up with high school, having kids and falling in and out of real love. For everything listed and more you are my true best friend and I love you to pieces.

My mommies...a wonderfully diverse group of ladies that started as a bottle feeding support group and now 4 years later we know everything about each other. We share our ups and downs and even though things are based mostly around the kids, there's never a question we can't ask without getting great responses and virtual hugs. Remember, a good monkey never monkeys with another monkeys monkey.

My knottie nesties...Yes that is your title and I'm damn proud of it! An overly rambunctious collaboration of chaos and chuckles. We do the ass kicking, the name taking, the drama, crazy in laws and physco coworkers, get angry at husbands for each other and have some pretty great bodily function discussions. What more could a girl ask for? You all will offer a hug or an honest response whether it's necessary or not and it's more than welcome. For being overly opinionated and not the pansy asses, I admire us.

Cheers with beers and large amounts of wine,

Friday, December 2, 2011

Oh yes sir.

I totally just blog stalked myself. I had a good time reading my old posts :-)

I am at work like every other weekday during the hours of 8 am to 5pm and yet I'm still convinced I really shouldn't be here. I would rather be anywhere else not because I hate it here, I really do enjoy it, but I'm beyond exhausted. If anybody has suffered insomnia you feel my pain.

My need for Christmas shopping is in full force, not because I want to but because it must be done. Santa is the present at our home. Must. Find. More. Presents. Good thing is she's a girl and thinks clothes are awesome (yes I will get away with this for as long as I can).

I'm exhausted and dance is tonight. I would rather not put up with the dance mom gossip so please cross your fingers that it won't be too overwhelming.

Laundry must be done as I have my fat pants on today because I have been neglecting my washer and dryer. I will also be putting up more Christmas decor, this makes me happy.

Short and choppy blog out!



Sunday, November 27, 2011

Oh Christmas Tree

My household is the reason shatterproof ornaments were made. The cats have already managed to climb to the top of it a handful of times. Between E and them I have put half of the ornaments back on the tree. The fake "needles" from the tree are strewn throughout all 3 floors and I look like I got party boy'd by 4 strippers thanks to all the glitter. All in all Christmas is in full swing in our house. Gifts should be arriving this coming week via El Target (thank you online shopping for saving my sanity). Now all I have to do is make some "presents" for decorating and find some awesome idea for my stairs and my entry way into my kitchen. Better homes and garden here I come!

Hope all of you had a magical Thanksgiving with your turkey hangys and booze bellies. Please be prepared that tomorrow is Monday. Yes, the dreaded start of another work week.

Love, hugs and finally turtle doves!


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Hamster vs Cat.

It's becoming a real live episode of Tom and Jerry in my household. We replaced the hamster and the cats are having a friggen hay day with the thing!!! New hamster, no name yet, is very sweet though and doesn't hiss and piss like the former one. That's always a plus, I will be taking bets on how long the thing lives though, so if you'd like to put your guess in my comments section I will refer back when the thing dies or runs away like our first hamster.

Tomorrow is the most overlooked holiday of the year. Everybody is too busy worrying about saving $10 on something they don't really need and wouldn't have bought otherwise. We worry too much about what we're gonna wear and how we're going to avoid that crazy family member. Instead we should be focusing on the good in our life. The great things that make us happy every day. Like the roof over our heads, the clothes on our backs, the heat and electricity, the conveniences of having a vehicle and a job to pay the bills. For wonderful friends and family. Thank the moments that we can't forget and the ones that shaped us into today. Hug everybody near to us and open our hearts to others that may bless us with many more great memories. Thanksgiving, where we should give thanks for what we have been given.

On a not as sappy note...I think I'm losing it. Really. I have decided to completely revamp my holiday decor. I have been a solid blue and silver person for the last 3 years running, I'm looking more towards a classic red and gold vibe. Elegance and perfection. Why I decorate up the wazoo for Christmas and am anal about how it looks is beyond me. My bathroom is constantly a mess and my clothes strewn all over the floor in my room, but my tree has to be perfectly perfect and everything has to match. Please read as: Crazy lady that makes sure her wrapping paper coordinates with the tree.

So a wonderful wonderful day to all of you lovelies and I hope you get to hug all the family and friends you can, drink as much adult beverages as possible and get a turkey hangover. It's a must I'm afraid. If you're on a diet this is the day to forget about it and have some fun!

Love and white meat,


P.S. Please click the "follow" button on the top ^^^ it will make me feel like a rock star princess with go-go boots and too much glitter mascara.

Monday, November 21, 2011

A half a bottle of wine down so here we go....

Hola my beautiful people! I know there's only like 5 of you and hopefully at least 3 you have missed my mindless babble.

Things have been hectic around here! Holy life changing madness. The positive? Things are actually going my way and even through all the shitty hazy bullshit I finally see the light.

Short preview: my running has fallen off the map, my wine consumption has increased, my daughter is still as firkin hilarious as ever, I am still madly in love with my job and my crazy clients, my friends have been the best ever, I'm enjoying this snow and the holidays are here (that might be my favorite).

Running is a new love, but it's kinda like that boyfriend that is great on date nights but there's just so much crap in your life it's hard to make time for him...scheduling at least 2 date nights a week.

Wine, the root of all evil. I once thought whiskey and tequila were my enemy. Nope! This damn wine has kicked my ass over and over again, maybe I'm too manly? I still keep trying though because I'm not a quitter and even though I can drink rum and beer all night and have a margarita for breakfast (I swear I've only done this once) wine will make me feel like that first drunk every time. Any suggestions or was I just raised with too many boys?

My job. My wonderful wonderful job. Raise your hand if you love your place of employment. (Whoever really did this please comment) Do I love my clients? Yes. Do I sometimes want to shake them and make them understand? Yes.  Do I love all the people I work with? No, but I think that's normal in an office with 7 women in 1000 sq ft. It's not always going to be rainbows and butterfly farts. What my boss was thinking by saddling himself a tiny office with all these women is beyond me, funny thing is he doesn't seem to know either.

Snow and holidays go hand in hand, I am very very sad for people who live in places where they don't have sweaters and scarves and snow and cold for Christmas. No sledding or snowmen, no snowball fights or freezing fingers around hot cocoa. I love the energy and gleam of the holiday season, the hustle and bustle the love and passion and even the crazy. When you stop believing in Santa the magic kinda fades away, but have a kid and all of your greatest memories come flooding back in tear filled memories of glee. Being Santa also makes you crazy because sometimes you forget that Santa is supposed to be bringing your child the hottest toy on the market and have to scramble and have a small heart attack while trying to find said present and then you spend a stupid amount on a "starter pack" because all you want is the one damn item.

Friends, right behind family are the most amazing gifts anybody could ever ask for. The ones who don't judge, who let you ramble on and on even when you make no sense and the ones that miles away are willing to kick some ass. The girls that pass the bottle of wine and poor you an extra glass, the guys that call to make sure you're still doing ok. That best friend that knows everything without you even telling her, and the man friends who put their penises away for a while and let you be one of the guys. To you friend that even if I need to cry, laugh or just be silent, you are still just as patient as day one and always answer the phone even when you know I'm about to be a drama queen.

Miss E, my wonderful little mini me, who every day inspires me to be a much better mommy and person. She gives every moment a little more hope and every tear a little more meaning. Never without a cunning little comment and a sweet new song.

Cheers to being back to the blog world! (I promise I will hang around more often).

Love and peppermint sticks <3


P.S. This girl has a blog that puts mine to shame!! So here's a plug for the wonderful Granny :-)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Oh the things we do...

As I sit here right now it's 54 degrees with 31 mph freezing arse winds. I do have to venture out for groceries at some point today and I'm not so sure that I really want to. After all we have pudding and noodles, what more do E and I need to survive?

As much as I love being busy all the time, I equally love my slow, relaxing, boring weekends. The days when E and I don't even attempt to shower until 10 and maybe leave the house but only because we are certain that we cannot survive another minute without brownies or ice cream. We watch every Disney movie in our collection and not accomplish anything that we had planned to. Our lives are constant Monday through Friday 7-6 that it's kinda nice sometimes to not have a schedule or a plan.

Which brings me to my new found favorite. "Winging it". I've always been a meticulous planner. If I could have it my way I would have Christmas for next year planned already. It's been a big adjustment for me trying to let go of my plans when things don't happen like I had figured they would. Even though it drives me nuts and I get flustered and go a little psychoo I'm always reminded that things always end up turning out just as good if not better than they would have. Its those people that remind me it's ok that I couldn't live without.

Those great people that don't mind seeing me cry because they have been there to laugh with me many more times. They will show up in the middle of the night even if we haven't talked in months. A simple phone call in the middle of the day can turn my mood around. Funny nicknames and some sweet ones too. They know when I'm happy or when I'm sad but never push with the hard questions just let me know that they are there for me whenever I do need to talk. They never judge or make fun even when they probably should.

So here's to a wonderful rest of my life with the people that truly do love me and don't mind winging it and making it work through the hard and easy times.

Happy holyfriggenitsforrealthatthesnowiscoming weekend!!!



P.S. Everybody quit being creepy fucking clowns for Halloween!!! I want to kick you square in your face!!! Ewwwww.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Are you a helicopter parent to a teacup child?

Somebody turned me onto this blog a month or so ago and I fell in love.

Our poor society has everybody so scared and so "safe" that nobody is getting the chance to have fun!  I admit to worrying about my daughter when she's out and about, but that would never make me restrict her from the things I thoroughly enjoyed doing as a kid. I'm not anti-safety but I'm not going to be anti-fun either.

Reading through the blog there are so many things that make me irate with how crazy people have gotten! No more balloons? No more riding your bike 2 blocks to school? No more swings on playgrounds? I am very glad I live where I live and this hasn't come to every ones attention as being the "in" parenting method.

I had to wear a life jacket and a helmet when I was younger, but I was allowed on the trampoline and we would climb on top of our swing set as others were swinging and no it was not cemented into the ground (you know how it gets to rocking) :-) We always had a scrape or a bruise of some sort and they usually weren't found until a couple days after it happened and nobody could remember where they came from. My little brothers and I used to float the ditches during the summer since we didn't have pool (we did this during the day while my parents were both working) and we climbed trees and rode our horses bareback. We walked 9 blocks from daycare to school when we were in the 3rd and 1st grade and were never abducted or raped.  The boys only had stitches a couple times and I don't recall many broken bones. We had a blast being kids and learned how to deal with sticky situations on our own. We were independent and enjoyed being outside.
We always made fun of the home schooled children (no offense to any of you) that were stuck to mommy's side for the first 18 years of their life and then when they went off to college and into the real world they went crazy wild and spent 8 straight months drinking, having sex and doing drugs because they hadn't been subjected to anything and didn't know how to be social. This is what these people are subjecting their children too! I'm not saying because you won't let them walk to the park with their friends that they are going to be drug addicts but I am hinting at that they may never have friends because they aren't allowed to do anything or when they do leave your house (if they ever get the balls to do so because the world is evil) they won't come back because they will realize that parks aren't really filled with rapists and hoodlums. What fun is it for a kid to have mom attached to their back pocket 24/7? Oh ya!! None!!

So strap a helmet on your kid but let them ride over to their friends house and don't call them every 2 minutes on the way.  Let your kid be a kid and if you have talked them through tough situations and what to do if they need help, they will be ok! We can't teach our kids life out of a book and off movies, they have to go out there experience it and live it to THEIR fullest potential.

A little fun digging:

Opinionated Tuesday goodnights,


Monday, October 17, 2011

Booger baby

My fb wall is constantly full of E-isms. Ranging from sweet little girl things to off the wall statements too complex for my daughters mind. Yesterday she randomly walked up to me with "I would like to go to the beach please".  I love every minute and I can't get over how much every day is perfectly perfect with her. We are two peas in a pod, with just a slight difference in age. Im pretty sure if we were the same age we would be the best of friends.

Not only am I proud of the little person she is becoming, Im also scared that she's growing up to be an indepenent girl. As a mom I love seeing her become her own person and develope her own personalilty and mannerisms, but every day she needs me less makes me a little sad. She's such a little mini me and everybody laughs and loves when they see us interact, but I don't want her to go through what I did. No mom wants their daughter to love and lose and leave and be left, to miss out of laughs and be surrounded by tears, of course it got me here and got me her, but I want to keep her young and innocent forever.

So here's to the wonderfulness I call my daughter the wonderful Miss E:

"Girls are mean so I am just friends with those boys now"

"That (cotton) is my pixie dust because Im a cooler fairy than Tinkerbell".

"Daddy digs big rocks and momma works with craaazy people". Yes booger :-) Oh and when she grows up she wants to be..."Beautiful".

E is eating a gogurt and is using her toes...

Me: Ellie you're awesome.
E: Ya! And my hairs pretty

E: good job mom for using your blink lights! ...yep even the 3yr old knows im a horrible driver

"Guess what? I've got my dad's ears

E: What day is it? Me: Wednesday. E: Wednesday! What am I supposed to wear on Wednesday?!

According to E: You are old when you can cut a big pizza and bushes are smooshed trees.

"Mom I think ill only be cool when I get to go fly in a plane"

I told E we were going to see Miss Amie and baby and she goes "did she finally eat enough food for him to come out?" Yes :-) lol

Friday, October 14, 2011

Fall friday.

Leaves, cold and pumpkins galore! How can someone not love the 50 degree temps which are perfect for sweaters and blankets and eating anything and everything pumpkin.

Please go out and enjoy at least 3 of these this weekend:

1. Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks
2. Pumpkin spice Kisses.
3. Pumpkin pie. I hate pie but love pumpkin pie.
4. Pumpkin cheesecake, Costco seriously needs to not only bring this out a week before Thanksgiving.
5. Go buy a new sweater. Cuddle up in it and love every second.
6. Jump in a huge pile of leaves. Promise me, this never gets old.
7. Pick out some pumpkins!!! Pumpkin patches are like piles of leaves, they are always awesome.
8. Drink your morning cup of coffee on your deck with your new sweater on.
9.Carve your pumpkins! If you're getting really ambitious you can even bake the seeds.
10. If you have a fireplace get it started. Then sit in front of it with a book or companion of choice with your latte in hand and a bowl of kisses beside you and enjoy.

Heck even if you do one of these it will be sure to make your weekend good.

Have a wonderful weekend my fellow week workers and enjoy the footballs also! Remember GO LSU!

Love and pumpkins,


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Old pictures and new dreams.

I love looking through old pictures, so my SD card on my D-roid taking a crap was a blessing in disguise last night. I of course had a minor break down and then realized that my old berry had a healthy SD card.  I uploaded them all and had a memory session, it was perfect.

Miss E at 16 months
My little booger with a vocab of 25 words, learning how to run and being "cute" was one of the treasures I found. I can't get over how little and precious she was!

I found another picture that will be unmentionable for the time being but has great meaning right now. I don't even remember taking it, but last night it was a perfect find. I am a huge believer in fate and everything happening for a reason and last nights picture confirms it. "Picture" makes me ok that someday things will be just how they are supposed to be. Sappy, sentimental and a little girly? Yes, maybe so, but I love it.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Monday voice.

I feel really bad for people that got saddled with annoying, nails on a chalkboard voices.  Think Miley Cyrus mixed with a whiny toddler getting pinched between two very large earth movers.  Then imagine not being able to turn it off, there is no volume dial, no mute button or off switch. WE'RE SCREWED!

In other news LSU and the Cats won this weekend.

I had a great girls night (minus Heather's stalker).

E got her first pumpkin of the season. Because when you're a kid you try to knock out as many pumpkins as possible, you make sure you get at least one a week for the entire month of October and the small ones are great but you have to have a ginormous shouldbeabletofit inside pumpkin also.

I burnt a dozen cookies.

I used the crock pot.

I got lost in the freezing cold darkness last night on my walk. Yep don't take me hunting we will be that headline for the fall. "Stupid ass blond girl with gun in woods=lost".

Good Monday mateys!



Ps. Yes we are being pirates today.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Friggen liar girls.

Girls are liars...

I'm talking about the ones that pretend not to like certain girl things. Sad sappy love movies, flowers, presents, love notes, sweet texts and calls, candles, smell good things and cute undies. If you are a girl and think that by telling guys you don't like these things makes you more attractive, you're wrong, it makes you look like you're trying to hide your wang.

I have just enough testosterone in me to enjoy a good game of football, pick beer over wine, hate snuggling and be able to belch with the best of them. This however does not mean I do not enjoy girl things. I will max out my credit card on new undies even though my drawer is overflowing and I have debated getting rid of other clothes just to have another undie drawer. I do not mind buying shoes I will wear only twice a year and I currently have a crush on a $900 purse. Good morning and good night texts and calls will make my day and you can always win me over with a big bouquet of lilies.

So ladies keep up the lies about his new hair cut that you absolutely hate, or his favorite shirt that makes him look homeless, but please be honest about the goodies. Because when you tell your man you hate cute things, they will listen to this one bit of information and then you can't get pissed off at him later for never sending flowers or scheduling massage days.

Love <3

P.S. Thank you sweet airwaves for giving up on the pop princess era, I tried on lunch to relive the 4th grade with Brittany, Christina and Mandy and I almost threw up a little in my mouth.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Polite young gentlemen and some Christmas lights.

Last night while leaving basketball at the Y with my arms full of E, Zoobles, squeeze applesauce and my purse I was gratefully reminded that some parents do still know how to raise polite young men. While struggling to walk let alone trying to think about how I was going to open the double doors ahead of me, this wonderful young man (maybe 13?) stopped what he was doing with his friends and ran to hold both of them open for me.  I graciously thanked him and got a "You're welcome ma'am have a good evening". I'm young myself but I rarely see this example of kindness on a daily basis anymore. It makes me believe that not all of the young men around aren't headed to jail in 3 years like they seem to be. Call me an old lady but what happened to holding doors open for people, letting them know when somebody dropped something, stopping when somebody is pulled over on the side of the road with their hazards on and just helping somebody when they need it? Have we all gotten so afraid of being nice and courteous that decent manners have flown out this window?

And now....

After wonderful young man opened the door for us, we headed home where we passed a house decked out in full Christmas attire. Lights, wreath on the door and fake lit up candy canes on the walk. E was of course super excited because what kid doesn't love Christmas and all it's glory, but seriously? I'm a firm lover of the holidays, they are amazing with all their great food and friends and family and fun, but they need to be kept in their respectable months. October is for Halloween, please do not decorate for this until October has hit, I do not appreciate ghosts in August. Thanksgiving gets a little more leeway from me because decorating for fall is acceptable once mid September comes in my book. Christmas is the most blown out of proportion holiday ever! They are already are talking about it and evidently decorating for it and it's still 3 months out! I judge people who decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving also, wait 6 friggen days until 12/1 please.

Tuesday is usually crabby, bitch and snatch day...

Good day!


Friday, September 30, 2011

Tattoos and sweaty belly buttons.

Please note that neither of these are on my person at this time.

E this morning had another brilliant idea. "Momma, I want a tattoo". I was really hoping for this to not come at all, and even then at least wait until she was like 15 or something. Nope I get saddled with a 3 year old with the attitude and thinking of a teenager. Great super duper for me. Funny thing is though her father is trying to play it off as pure innocence. I have completely come to terms that she is going to be a strong headed, daredevil, boy chasing, getting into trouble girl that I was. The day when he opens his eyes and sees it will be priceless, I might even bring the flip it every where I go from now on so I can hopefully capture the horrible fear that will flash across his face. Mean? Nah, just trying to find some funny in the very cold hard truth that I am raising a mini me.

Sweaty belly buttons. You know when a larger man has on a tight shirt and he has that sweat circle right around his navel? Yep that's what I have sitting near me at the moment, it's one of those disgusting sights like gross greasy hair or too long of toenails that you just have to keep looking at. I can't turn away as much as I would like too. Puke. Onto another train of thought...navel. Navel is kind of a classy word for belly button so I don't know if it can be used in this gross description, but then again belly button is meant for cute little kid tummy's. So my Google of the day will be to find a nasty term for the belly button and navel.

Tomorrow is Cats homecoming! My hair is super red, like it's almost trashy and a little to punk for me...I'm gonna rock it anyways.

Here's to giving Friday and the weekend some hell!

<3 Jess

Sunday, September 25, 2011

2,108 miles.

The reason my phone is always near during the day and ringer volume cranked at night.
The reason I don't turn on the news in fear of yet another deployement.
The reason I cry at any military, "I miss you", come home song.
The reason for a special little prayer every night.

When you spend 18 years of your life with someone who is your greatest fan, biggest critic and best friend, it's hard to let them go. It's hard to only be able to see them once a year, only talk to them over the phone, only be involved in bits and pieces of their life instead of every minute. You miss out on the little things, the things you took for granted because you figured would always be there. Watching them laugh, feeling their hugs, and never knowing when you're in for a wrestling match.

It's not easy for any of us, but then everybody warned us that it would be one of the hardest things we went through.  There's a special bond between him and I that no matter what either of us goes through still makes us closer than anybody else at the end of the day. I can't explain to you how it feels and I really don't want to. People always say that a girl needs an older brother, they apparently never had a younger one :-) He's the most protective person in my life. Who has always tried to take on the guys twice his size just because they broke my heart. Told off the girls he knew were not good enough to be my "friends". Laughed at me when I most deserved it, cheered when I needed an extra push and was never afraid to tell me how it was.

So here's to a little brother, a best friend, for leaving his safe little home town to make a difference in the world. He left the ones he loved, so that everybody else can come home to theirs every night. He gave up talking to his parents and family so that his neighbors can have dinner with theirs. He is missing out on being a crazy, wild 20 yr old with his friends, so his friends can keep being crazy, wild 20 yr olds. He is missing Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners so the rest of us can still celebrate. I personally couldn't be more proud of such an amazing young man, who has shown me what dedication, compassion and loyalty really is.

Love you little brother,


Friday, September 23, 2011

I shit you not!

This is real.
This is also why I love my job.
Please look closely...
Yes, that is in fact tinsel wrapped around the ladder that they are using as makeshift steps.
Now you may join me with piss sodden pants and running mascara.

Friday love, hugs and kisses!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Free for All!

I currently have 3 songs stuck in my head. "I want it that way" Backstreet Boys, "White Christmas" and "I'll bite your face off" Alice Cooper. If anybody can read into why these three songs are swirling around in my head and explain the importance if any, feel free to let me know.

I hate people that skipped the "pedestrians in the cross walk have the right of way" lesson in drivers ed. I drive by 3 schools every morning. The first an elementary school, which is always flooded with parents dropping off their kids, buses and kids on bikes and foot. A block away from said elementary school this morning I watched 2 little boys wait while 4 cars stopped at the sign and kept driving. Really people? Thank the good lord that these kids parent's dug into them about waiting until the cars are really stopped and are sure you are there in order to cross. I let them cross and then went on about my merry little way, but it done gone pissed me off at 7:30 which is never great because I'm not a wonderful morning person to begin with.

LSU won last night! Happy happy girl minus the fact they played like drunk high schoolers. Definitely not the prettiest game I've seen. As is stands there are only 2 LSU fans in the state of MT that I know of. So him and I have to stick together. .

Good day it is friday!

Friday, September 9, 2011


Brain block. Blogger block. I get all these great ideas during work. Fantastic ideas like people smoking pot while driving and fat girls in short shorts. Then when I get home at night with more than 5 minutes to sit down, I turn on Dance Moms and forget all my wonderfulness.

A lot is happening in my wonderful life right now. So much that it would be crazy confusing and a little scary to publicly display, so I will highlight some of the points normal average people would not shiz themselves over.

I hate red wine, in fact I will be ok with never seeing a bottle of it again. Call me classy but grab me a beer please.

Miss E has horrible stage fright and shyness just like her momma. The plus to this is I will know how to help her deal with it, the negs is well she gets to puke before every thing and have mild to major panic attacks for the rest of her life.

Men and their manopause. Really? Just lay off it already or do what I do and be courteous enough to warn people! I do not need to be yelled at because you've got a snag in your balls...super sorry dude.

Maybe tonight I will sit down and write about all the things that I have sticky noted to the inside of my purse in the last 2 weeks.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." Betty Friedan

Most mornings are the same around here; same hair, same time, same path to work.

After dropping E off at school a couple days ago, I drove past something that made me smile.

A lady in her 60s riding her bike, long grey hair, a hot pink bike helmet and the icing on the cake...tassels on her handle bars. I haven't had tassels on my bike since I was 7 and now Im highly jealous of this older woman and her tassels. She isn't afraid of being young at heart, Im sure people think she's nutso for having tassels but to me it shows that she is still puddle jumping, cartoon watching, bubble blowing fun that we all need to be.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Your deductible doesn't apply.

Once again a genius called into work. Oh and isn't this one a doozy. 

It's 4:30 on a Thursday that's bat shit crazy, I am sitting at my desk praying that for the last 15 minutes of my day nobody calls and nobody comes in when coworker B walks up to my desk with a file, trying not to cry she is laughing so hard. I read the note that is causing all the glorious tears.

Please don't quote me but it went a little something like this:

"Client had bear tear door off vehicle, $200 worth of damage, $500 deductible applies. Client wanted to know if he shot bear if the deductible would cover the fines."

The answer if anybody was wondering is "no", better yet a "are you fucking crazy you dillhole your vehicle insurance will not cover your stupidity, please jump off the face of the earth".

I am still laughing about it and was crying alongside B after reading that fun little ditty.

This is something that we deal with everyday. Like Buckshot :-) Yes somebody named their child Buckshot.  People that choose these types of names for their children should plain and simple not be having children.

That my good friends is why we should start happy hour at work, only making it last from 1pm until close.

I am now off to bleach my bathroom.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

"Boys pee funny...

...Because they don't sit like us girls do." Yes that was this morning's E-ism. Oh the joy of brilliance I call my daughter. She does have a fairly good point though, I mean girls are always getting laughed at for not being able to stand to pee, but doesn't everybody have to sit to poop? So since everybody has to sit to do one thing why does it make us the weirdos that we sit to do both? I think they are weird with their penises and their standing pees and stuff. Proud mom moment :-)

Another awesome little E-diddy from the ride to daycare this morning (apparently she's in a feisty mood today), "Mom I need you to work so I can take all of your money". Yes, sweetheart, you do take all of my money. If you don't have a kid and are planning on getting one anytime soon, borrow somebodies expenses for their child, for even one month. Make sure they are giving you the month with all of the field trips, dance outfits, birthday parties and doctor bills though so you get the full effect. I love the booger to death and back and would do anything to make her happy, but geez she's a money eater!

Things have been rough lately, but I plan on getting heavily Captain'd tonight while Booger is hanging with her father.  Judge away fellow comrades!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Orange tictacs and elevator music

Who invented this horrible music that they use for hold music and elevators? There has to be a better alternative! I am in charge of hold music for our office and I'm proud to say my clients get to jam to classic rock while holding :-) Do some of them hate? Yes but these are also my clients that listen to bathroom rap in their ran into the ground 82 Honda's with no muffler and a duck taped spoiler, and I'm also pretty sure they hate elevator music as much as the next person.

Orange tictacs make my world turn 'round. Thank you Target for your 4-pack of wonderful goodness.

I'm being a horrible customer service representative by blogging mid day but in my defense it's really like a 5 minute mental health vacation. I will only be 87% bitch instead of 98% when I do start working again. Yes you are welcome clients.

Tomorrow is Dirty Dash. Pictures and details to follow.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The dreaded doctor.

Why is it that nobody talks while in the waiting room of a doctors office?

I have had people strike up random conversations at the grocery store, public restrooms, restaurants and the park, but nobody talks at the doctor. Sometimes I will have somebody talk to me when it's E's turn for the dentist, but it's because of her.

I know the lady parts Dr is probably not every body's favorite place to be, but if there are two legit pregnant ladies sitting next to each other would it be entirely wrong for one of them to say to the other "How far along are you?". Apparently it is, I witnessed it today. One lady got really really snarky when asked her due date. Really lady? You're pregnant in the Ob's office! Maybe she was just crabby but that doesn't mean she needed to be rude by replying "Does it matter?". Hold the hormones "August 22nd" is apparently really hard to answer with. ! I was a complete bitch to E's father while pregnant, I admit it fully, but I wasn't rude to strangers especially with such an honest little question. Manners must have escaped some people's childhood. Thank you mom and dad for at least teaching my to respect others. Geez Louise!

Random question: Why is it called the doctor's office when you rarely go into an actual office of the doctor you are seeing?

Please note I am NOT  pregnant.

Back to work, lunch break is over.

P.S. Cheese for lunch, no cheeseCAKE. I'm proud :-)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I suck.

At a lot of things lately.

Studying. Everytime I sign up for this test some random act of life hatred shows up at my door that puts studying at the bottom of my list. EVERY DAMN TIME!

Eating healthy. Cheesecake, chips and salsa, and a rootbeer float for lunch after a slice pizza for breakfast. I will blame it on stress. My love handles don't care.

Running or well any exercise for that matter. I run randomly or head to the gym once a week but as far as a structured need to do this 5 days a week and have a plan for it...ya no. This would deminish evil love handles.

I really also need to figure out how to get rid of the stress in my life. Maybe it's some of the people, or not enough time with others but geez it's got to stop soon!

Rant over. Good day.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Oooo give me a...

Cheesecake. I fricken burnt the one last night! It's ok I peeled off crappy burnt stuff and the inside tasted like shiz. I will never use that recipe again.

Sleep aide. Stress and me do not mix at all. Which is weird because my life is one huge stress ball and you'd think I'd be used to it by now. Not so much. Also I would like to be one of those people that when stressed doesn't eat. Instead I eat 4 medium pizzas (large ones taste funny), 2 bags of oreos and wash it all down with a large chocolate shake and maybe a rootbear float for desert. Is that maybe why these last 15 lbs won't go away? Im guessing yes.

Pedicure. Seriously need one asap my feet are along the lines of Frankenstein bullshiz and thats not ok either.

Friggen medal! Beartooth Rally was a success. Went up to the good ole' RL with W and had a pretty darn good day. Took in the freezin arse water. Gawked at some pretty bikes, which makes me want to learn to ride because girl Harleys are friggen cute! Hit up every bar in town at least twice, both street dances, the candy store and 3 food places because W eats like a stressed out me :-) Why I deserve a medal? I did not puke and wasn't passed out puking by 9 like last year!

Sad depressing note: I miss E like crazy. To the point I don't know what to do with myself. The longest she has ever been away from me is 2 nights, that has happened like 3 times. Most of the time I don't have to not see her for 3 weeks at a time. She left Saturday and will be gone until this coming Saturday. Im just plain freaking out. She's having a blast Im sure and I get to talk to her on the phone but it's all the little day to day stuff and well everything about her that I don't want missing for even a week at a time. Sad, depressed, impatient mom waiting for Saturday like kids wait for Santa in July.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Confessions of a...well I dunno what I am today.

I love whipped cream. To the point I will spray a whole can on one strawberry.

...have an odd obsession with frozen and fresh peas, could eat them daily. bread like a dur-da-dur, I peal off the crust first then ball the middle up.

...lay my deodorant down

...don't use my blinkers 93 % of the time (and that's stretching it a little).

...hate socks with a passion, I have even debated running without them.

...don't eat anything that has lived in the water. I can cook a mean fish though! to bake but everything turns out horrible, I spend entirely too much money on wasted baked goods.

...rarely eat steaks while eating out but love them coming off of moms bbq.

...check my phone as soon as I wake up.

...have a ton of pants that are pre-E that I will never be able to fit into again regardless of what weight I am.

...have a fear of ponds, lakes and oceans.

...gag when hair in the shower gets on or around my toes.

...would wear tanks and yoga pants daily if I could get away with it and not look homeless being blonde even if it is fake.

...have a strange obsession with pigs.

...keep alot of things secret.

...really love my job even though the people are bat shit crazy most of the time. a sucker for flowers but hate roses

...don't like wearing pink unless it's an accessory and mild, no barbie pink for me.

...sleep with an icepack on my feet most nights.

and... run up stairs, I never just walk.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

22 here we go...

I'm officially old. Old as in I woke up with a kink in my neck this morning. Granted this happens about once a week because I sleep horribly but it was just oh so convenient. Raise a glass to age!

I am pretty excited that I'm no longer 21 because for some reason it just seems so damn young and juvenile. Like all 21 yr old are required to consume large amounts of alcohol weekly and not remember their Friday and Saturday nights. I can now just be in my 20s :-)

E-bit : She then calls me up to her room and the convo went a little something like this:

E: Momma what kind of birthday are you going to have?
Me: I'm not.
E: Can I have your birthday then?
Me: Can we share?
E: Yes but we need cupcakes.

And that was it. So today is my shared birthday! Woohoo for kids :-)

I have never been a big b'day party kinda person because well I hate the spotlight. When I was about 13 my parents and brothers went out to dinner for my birthday, no big deal right? Wrong! One little brother decided to tell waitress that it was my birthday. I hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes until the mob of singing waiters and waitresses left the table. I haven't been out to dinner for my birthday since, actually steering clear of it for about a week before and after :-)

Good thing: I will be drinking my weight in Captain and Cokes.

Birthday girl out.

Monday, June 27, 2011

A case of the Mondays.

I have had a broken flip flop, bra strap and zipper all before 10 am. So here I am convincing dimwits that they do indeed have to pay their already 15 day late payments and that their policy will cancel while juggling a gimp, showing undies and a saggy boob. HELLO MONDAY!

Saturday sucked. Rockin the Windfarm was not a success. I have acquired a stalker. That is all.

Onto better news. I am headed off to the wonderful town of BFE on Thursday and I couldn't be happier. That little town just lets me breath and really think about life. Which is great because I have been in a "grass is greener" mood and that isn't the greatest thing. If I keep on that path this age of 22 will be super duper interesting. Now is when I need a BFF. Yes don't judge I don't have one. Trust issues have now backfired. Fail that was not better news.

Epic fail Monday...and to think Tuesday usually are the shitty days for me.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Is a virtue...and it sucks! I don't want to wait for things. Ever! Being mom to Boogs I have learned alot of patience and that it is necessary when dealing with a 3year old. Just because I can be doesn't mean I have to be though right? I mean I had to wait 37 1/2 weeks for her. I have to wait until 5pm every night to leave work. Now I have to wait to own a house and have another munchkin? NOT FAIR!!

Good note on the no munchkin...Mr. Morgan and I can have some more Coke dates :-)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I am cutting caffeine out of my life. Probably not the greatest time to do so since I haven't slept more than 2 hrs straight in the last 3 months. Insomnia has hit and well the stress of a double d-bag and a regurgitated cum bubble probably doesn't help. I want to kick one in the face and tell the other one to grow up and then get lost.

Saturday's run was great! Adreneline thank you for showing up and I met my goals! I didn't puke, walk or get dead last! Woohoo! I actually did alot better than I thought I would.

Daddy's day was pretty much just another Sunday but I did tear up a little on the way out to PCtown. My parent's left with littlest bro to the wonderful ( I guess I've never been) state of PA. I had to drive Daddy's truck back to his house to save it from the hail. I had flashbacks the entire time of me being E's age sitting on the center console riding around. Just when the memories start flooding in some 80's George Strait comes on. That is when the tears started to come. It's the little things that get ya :-)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

5k, and some cuties :-)

I am spontaneously running a 5k this weekend thank you crazy runner cousin for convincing me. I am just praying to the race day goddess that you serve me full with adrenaline and craziness so I don't die.

Cuteness alert:
Here are my two new babies! Happy birthday to me!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Country Tunes.

I'm guessing it's my location but these little ditties get me every time. Some people make fun of them saying they're all about somebody dieing, loving, leaving, wanting, needing and your dog. Well, yes, but what else happens in life that makes us need a good country song? If I'm pissed at some crazy ex give me Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert. Sad? What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts will due just fine. Or how about a good girls night out song, She's Country by Jason Aldean, not only does the song get my butt bouncin' he's frickin hot! He's on my hall pass list for sure.

Short sweet and that is all.

Oh wait! I am adopting 2 kitties in a couple weeks!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Flies and Sunshine

E has become deathly afraid of flies...She is hiding under a blanket in 83 degree weather trying to watch Phineas and Ferb while ducking when the thing flies by. This is odd to me because the kid will drive a 4-wheeler balls to the walls. She will drive a jet boat same way with sharp turns and no care in the world. She loves amphibians, reptiles and rodents. We don't have a fly swatter and I believe we are the only family in MT that does not have one of these smashers in our home, every summer we complain because we don't have one and yet weekly we walk by them for $1 at Walmart and never grab one. That will be my goal for the summer-invest in fly swatter, maybe I'll even be picky and get a purple one :-)

Sunshine has finally arrived! It is 83 as I type and I couldn't be more happy. Last night while we were out I didn't have to wear a jacket and I had a tank and capris on. Today I am wearing shorts and went into public with them on. I have decided that if people don't like the slight amount of cellulite and stretch marks then they can not look :-) How generous am I?

Random note: I got an IM from my cousin a couple hours ago (that my Droid refuses to show me) that just read "we have beer". I'm not sure if that's an invite to come over and drink said beer or if he was just really happy that he had beer in the house? I will be calling to check in on him in a couple hours to see how much of the beer he has consumed and if he still has any at his home. I'm going out on a limb and saying as of now it has been consumed and we will have to drink beer at a later date.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Randomness on a rainy day.

Sometimes I listen to Disney soundtracks. I still cry at Cinderella and duh I still wish that I was a fricken princess.

Update on running: I am slow and I hurt. I love my new Brooks and I don't run like a penguin anymore because of them! I used to think runners were crazy because like boss man says "how is running for nothing fun?". Well boss man it just is. I am actually sad that we have a function tonight and I can't run.

Function from above: Gerrick is leaving the B-town, he is heading to the wonderful land of Canadia. I will miss this guy and his golden pipes that match his lovely locks that every girl would die for.

I believe that is all I would like to tell you.....maybe.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Sister-in-laws. You either love them or hate them.

And...I just got a new one! Well not officially yet but my little brother popped the question. I will give the little bugger props too for showmanship. A beach at sunset=romantic and if you know him that is a huge step!  I've known about it for a few months (heck maybe even a year) and it still made me all hippy and happy.

Now Im not gonna lie at first I wasn't too fond of her. Maybe it was lack of knowing her or maybe it was because she was too darn shy to get to know her. After a wonderful talk *insert sarcasim* he told her to shipshape it and here we are! E loves her which is great and don't tell uncle but she sometimes just wants her to come over :-)

Im really proud of him growing up and falling in love but a part of me is sad that he is growing up and falling in love. I loved my fun, carefree and wild little brother. He was me in my younger years and even though this is going to be a wonderful adventure for him and she has stuck with him through the long distances and military life, it will be a change. Im not really a fan of change.

So big sister is wishing them both the best of luck in their wonderful adventures!



Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Munch Munch Jiggle Jiggle

Things that shouldn't shake are doing just that. I remember pre-E when things that shook when asked to were hot and sexy; post-E things that shake voluntarily are not so attractive. Damn it sucks. Thank sweet baby Jesus that Hubs loves me regardless of the random bits of flab and no matter how much he tells me I'm sexy but the girl in me can't look past the flabby arms and stomach that stretches extirely too far for my liking.

The solution to this problem is exercising to tone and tighten. I have tried somewhat but it's hard working 40hrs a week with some of the most ridiculous people on the planet and then coming home to chase a 3year old and put up with a cheeseball hubs. Sooo....

I have decided to lower stress and flab I will begin running. I used to in high school and actually enjoy it so Im giving it another go. If I don't come back soon you will know what happened.