Monday, December 29, 2014

Monday can bite me!

Monday after a wonderful 4 day holiday with my loving family is the devils work I tell ya! Who makes these things? Work sucks.

Christmas has left our house and I will be finding pine needles for the next 2 months I'm sure. Everyone made out like bandits and we all have new things to do which is extremely convenient since NC wants to piss buckets for the next month.

Can we get to the Rocky Mountains soon please?  I want to hike and fish and smell the sweet crisp air when it snows. I need to be around nice, normal people. I want muddy trucks and horse trailers in the parking lot.  Just thinking about home grown beef makes me drool.  Please hurry up. 

Coffee, blanket, book, Gilmore and a snuggly puppy stat!



Monday, December 8, 2014

I hate your elf

This whole "Elf on the Shelf" thing has been around for a couple years but just finally got brought up in my house last week. E mentioned something the beginning of the week and I shrugged it off. Friday after I picked her up she went into the whole "So and so and so and so and so and so have an elf in their house when do I get mine?" Mother of the year award? I told her never and my reasoning was "Only the kids that have been extra naughty and need the extra supervision get an elf, you've been good and Santa doesn't need to keep that close of an eye on you." Sorry not sorry to any parents that have to hear that they have naughty kids because my daughter tells your child that they're extra naughty. 

I will not have a freaking creepy little elf sitting in my house "watching" my kid. Santa is magical, Santa is the one that keeps track of good and bad, elves are for making toys and scooping Rudolph's poop.  Did I survive without an elf? Yes and now E will too. 

One of my favorite lines from a Christmas movie is from The Santa Claus, "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing." Santa, elves, reindeer are all magical and mysterious and fun, kids get to see elves how they want to see them, they get to think that reindeer talk or don't and Santa can look like however they want. Let their imagination work. I know there are a bazillion Christmas movies out, all depicting a different story, but I'm letting mine believe the one that she wants. 

So, call me the Grinch or Scrooge but I will not have an elf in my house.  We will watch a thousand Christmas movies, we will leave cookies out for Santa and leave the lights on on the tree so he can find us in the night, we may even leave some carrots for the reindeer but I will not have a creepy toy elf shit chocolate chips on my counter, throw flour on the floor, shave the dog or go zip lining across my living room. Why should I have a naughty elf in my house when my child is supposed to be good? Durrrr.......


Merry Christmas from the blogger with a 'tude.



Monday, November 10, 2014

Mom to Mom

I get all types of parents in my office. I get the moms with the kids that sit quietly, the moms with the screaming kids, dad's that tried really hard on their daughters hair and then the parents that yell at their misbehaving kids the whole time.  Mom's judge, I've written about it before and probably will again. We are all guilty of it but Friday this one hit me a little bit different.

A mom came in solo with her 2 kiddos, I'm guessing about 4 and 2. She walked in sat down and apologized for being a day late meeting with me; no problem life happens, we understand, no harm done. Then she started apologizing for her kids being dirty, they had just come from the barn where her daughter takes riding lessons. After looking closely I could see a bit of hay here and some dirt under the little boys nails. I let her know it was no problem and then asked the little girl all about it, she chatted my ear off about horses and her new found love. A little girl after my own heart and she couldn't stop fawning over every second of her weekly adventures. Meanwhile mom is trying to brush off and shake off the very minimal dust on her son. She looks at me again and says, "I should have done this outside, I'm so sorry, it makes me feel better saying it out loud because I know people judge."

Woah, hold the phone lady. I am not judging you for letting your kids be kids, you took them to a barn and your two year old got dirty? YES! Thank you for letting him explore, get dirty and be a child. I'm sure he had a blast playing in the fine dirt. I know if I was him I would have made little trails and tracks with pieces of hay and then found a couple rocks to "drive" around them. You are a fantastic mom for letting your child come in dirty. Dirty kids are happy kids, their imaginations are wild and they are full of life. They came in here with smiles and stories and that will top a little bit of dirt and hay any day. I let her know it didn't bother me one bit and that it was great.

When we finished up and she left I was happy and sad for her all at once. She isn't letting herself bask in the glory of being the coolest mom ever but instead she's worried about everyone else judging her because her son's hoodie is a little dusty.

So mom with the dirty kids because you left them be kids, you rock. You are the coolest mom ever. Tell anyone with a snotty look or a glare to kick rocks. You win at being a parent. Your kids are happier, their minds are rich and they have been to places that some will never experience. Your head should be high and your heart should be full, never apologize for being awesome.



Thursday, November 6, 2014

So many babies!

The beginning of 2014 was cold, heck, NC even had snow days! I'm going to say that's where all of these babies are coming from. BABIES EVERYWHERE! I have friends/family all over the country that are currently hugging a newborn or will be in the next month.

This coming from me may seem really left field but I'm excited to hold one. Rule of thumb for this girl is, if it's not yours don't touch it. I have had this crazy fear of dropping someone's baby, so I've steered clear of all children that could not sit on their own.  My bff has a great picture of me holding K when she was hours old. I was 10 days from popping and I had been avoiding holding this baby for the whole 2 hours I had been in that room, then BAM! Someone hands me the baby, I held her for about a minute before I gladly passed her off on someone else. Everyone thinks it a funny-haha until the baby gets dropped because I have to sneeze or something. This does not apply to my own child(ren) if I drop them accidentally then the fuck up is on me. I would still feel awful of course but it's just different breaking something that doesn't belong to you. Side Note: I never dropped E.

It's been 6 1/2 years since I had a newborn, I remember a lot of puke (yay acid reflux) and a lot of days just sitting for hours rocking a sweet baby.

Miss E at about a month old

Some pointers:
  1. You can never have too many onesies or jammies. 
  2. Take a shower every day to keep yourself sane. 
  3. DO NOT wake your baby unless it's by doctors orders, sleep is good. 
  4. Get out of the house (this applies to the not super newborns).
  5. Your baby, your rules. If crazy Aunt Betty thinks she needs to be at your house waiting for you to get home from the hospital you get to tell her no. You get to tell everybody no. Your baby, your rules.
  6. Do not listen to other's. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. You are going to do what's best for your baby and your family. It doesn't matter how your baby eats, where your baby sleeps or how long your baby is held during the day. Does it work for you? Then you do that and tell everyone else to go pound sand.
  7. You just had a baby, you'll be jealous of the women that can fit back in their pre-preg jeans, but if you can't, girl you rock those yoga pants until you can and want to get back into your other clothes. No pressure, you just created a life, it's all on your time. 
  8. If you think there is something wrong, go to as many doctors as you need to until you are satisfied. I spent a month with an angry acid filled baby until I switched doctors and all was well. Mom knows her baby the best. 

So mommy's and daddy's to be, I am sending you wishes of sleep filled nights, happy babies and easy and healthy deliveries!



Tuesday, November 4, 2014

How I failed October's Wallet Watch

The first two weeks I did great! After that it went to hell in a hand basket faster than a squirrel on speed.  I did not pass go and I did not collect $100.

Coffee in the mornings in my nemesis. I run late to get E to school on time so I rush out of the house but then I have 45 minutes in my 10 minute commute to get to work so I stop at Starbucks or DD. 


Wanna know what? I did it again this morning. I really need to be better. Since I don't spend on anything else that isn't worthwhile or needed I'm going to try limiting myself to 2x a week and see how that works. Ween myself off slowly.

Did anybody else participate? How did you do?


Monday, November 3, 2014

Except for Monday.....

This fatigue that has been plaguing me for the last couple of weeks needs to be gone. There are not enough naps or gallons of coffee it seems. I tried lining up my REM cycles the last couple of nights but that's hasn't made a difference either. OVER IT!

In other news, we attended 2 birthday parties for this weekend and yesterday's was at the roller skating rink. E has never skated before and after getting there and getting her laced up I feel like a small failure. I used to live at the skating rink, every Friday and Saturday night and every birthday party was there. She did pretty well and I had to drag her away at the end of the night. 

Did you know roller skating rinks still smell like they did in the 90s?
Thousands of sweaty kid feet maybe? It was definitely a memory snagger.
Trick or Treating was also a success, my little witch spent about an hour roaming around before she finally had enough. 

All in all a decent pretty good weekend.

I hope your week treats you well!



Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Terrorist Tuesday

In typical Tuesday sucks.

I need so many more hours of sleep! I even scurried off to bed before 10 leaving Superman and B to the football game.

I want to eat ALL things and not feel like a whale. 

No coffee :-(

Power was out in a chunk of town that made my commute twice as long as normal. I only have a 15 minute commute but that is long for me as I HATE commuting.

I will end now my bitch session. 



Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Terrorist Tuesday

Today I dedicate Terrorist Tuesday to the bitch in my office eating crackers.

She's one of the those people that just can't stay on my sane side. Every time she opens her mouth I want to shriek as my ears bleed. She's not a bad person, she's nice and has her funny moments, but 97% of the time, NO. 

She walks around like she owns the place, no bitch the big guy upstairs owns the place, you're just a 9-5er like the rest of us. 

She's always right, always. I put a note in and it's not OK with her but two clients later her note is the same as mine and it's OK. Yaaaa, No.

She complains about people having rotating relationships and she's had a fiance, and handful of men in the short year I've been here. 

She throws tantrums like a toddler. Nobody needs to put up with a 40 something throwing phones and yelling because the foreign mortgage rep made you repeat a couple things. It irritates us all but we don't act like we didn't get the cereal we wanted while shopping with mom. Sit ya ass down.

Everybody has their bitch eating crackers. Maybe they grind coffee beans at work, invade personal bubbles without the use of deodorant, take up 2 seats on the train daily or chomp on gum while they're on the phone. Vent away comrades and take away their crackers. I think I need to be done. I will stay in my tiny little windowless office today and mind my own. 

This is why people need rum.



Monday, October 20, 2014

How was your sleep?

Oh hey Monday go-ers!

I slept like shit. This shouldn't surprise me since the last couple of weeks have gone that way. It's not the temperature, or that I can't shut my mind off, I don't hurt and the room isn't too light, dark, hot or cold. We have 100+ lb of dog on the bed. The fur balls, I love them, but they take up more space that a grown human.  Our queen bed fits Superman and I perfectly, enough space that we can sleep apart but it's not too large that cuddling takes a small journey to get to one another, perfect. Now we add dog. Izzy came to us at 8 weeks, tiny and cute and 8lbs of little loves. She would curl up in between our pillows and we never had an issue. After she hit about 20lbs and was sleeping through the night, she got moved to the floor, once again no issues. Then The B came along. a loving, lumbering, lips so large his eyes sag, love bug. He's 7 months old and already 45 lbs and apparently his previous owners let him sleep with them. So now that B is up on the bed (he sneaks up after we fall asleep) Izzy feels left out and will jump up as well. B isn't a big issue for me because he sleeps between Superman's legs at the bottom of the bed, Izzy is a bed hog. She's a snuggler and so sweet and cute, but she takes up more room that I do. Reason? She still likes to try and fit in between our pillows like she could when she was little. Ya....not working so hot. Sleep training pets is as bad as children, which is why E was never allowed in my bed when she was little. Momma don't play with the sleep.

My awesome bed illustration.

As you can see the little room Superman and I do have is overlapped by the fur. Now I know why people have 10lb dogs.



Monday, October 6, 2014

Picture perfect weekend

I love lazy weekends. I love busy weekends. I love short weekends and I love long weekends even more. Safe to say weekends are my favorite part of the week because it's all about living, we don't go to work, we don't go to school and we can do whatever we want to!

This past weekend we met my parents in the Outer Banks along with my sister in law and brother. It was chilly but a nice last weekend at the beach (per Superman but I'll make him go more).   I am pretty known in my house for snapping at least one photo a day even if I don't put it up on the FB or IG, I like to store those special moments. So for your viewing pleasure......


Even though she had to be whiny and needy because Grandma and Papa were around she always calms and takes in every moment as soon as her toes hit the sand. She will miss the beach the most when we leave.

With Superman I have learned to take multiple photos because he always makes stupid faces when the phone comes out to show his hatred for the selfie. However, when you take 10+ shots you end up with him and his wonderful smile. Swoon.

Under the pier. If this isn't beauty I don't know what is. Crashing waves and the warm sun over a cool breeze and it was a glorious day.

Pizza is always the answer. Everybody bolted so Superman, Miss E and I stole Aunt Shelby and chowed down before we left for the weekend. I would have taken a picture of the garlic knots but they disappeared before I could get my phone out. 

And that my friends was our wonderful weekend. Short and sweet and full of the ones I love. Just how I like my weekends.



Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Wishful Wednesday

I wish that...

there was more love than hate

dogs lived as long as humans
children came with a manual
houses were self cleaning
yoga pants were required work attire on Mondays
cancer was curable

I had a photographic memory
calories didn't exist
being a grownup wasn't so hard
I didn't have to work
my legs didn't hurt so bad after leg day
(Google image)
.....and that the rum was never gone.



Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Terrorist Tuesday is back!

Like Eminem said "Well I'm back, dana na na na na na na na"....

Summer was busy! It was spouse time after all. Children were all in MT and Superman and I had 2 whole months to just be a couple. It went fast and I think we did a pretty good job of making the most of our time. 

Since Terrorist Tuesday is usually a whine fest I'm going to whine about how shitty I have gotten with money. I NEED to stop buying shit I don't need, like Starbucks 3x a week and Dunkin Donuts pumpkin muffins (my ass will thank me as well I'm sure), which leads me into my spending freeze.

SMD over at Life According to Steph is doing a Wallet Watch for October. If you jump over there you will get an idea of how things work plus she's a pro and has done a few watches and freezes. Go to her search tab and enter spending freeze.

I am going to try the full on freeze. Here are my rules:

1. Freeze lasts from October 1- October 31.
2. No breakfasts or lunches out; including coffee runs. I am allowing myself 1 dinner out a week (we are really bad about this). This will not include October 4-5, we have a mini vaca and there will be meals out due to travel and family gatherings.
3. No unwarranted purchases! If it isn't necessary it doesn't get purchased. This does not count the rest of costumes for Halloween or fall fun (pumpkin patch and corn maze). 

I will be logging all of my oopsies and hopefully not wanting to kick myself at the end. I will be back November 3rd to tell you of my travels!

I highly encourage a spending watch or freeze. It's always nice to get rid of the unnecessary and put a little extra cash back into your pocket.

Remember to not over do it. If you and a friend do dinner weekly or you and a coworker do lunch on Tuesday, build that in. This is for all the laziness of stopping somewhere instead of taking the extra 30 seconds at home to make a sandwich for lunch or push the button on the Keurig. 




Monday, June 2, 2014

All About E!

Because 6 year old's are hilarious this is a little glimpse of E's life.

How old are you? 6
Who is your best friend? Catherine
What is your favorite thing to do? Play with legos
What is your favorite color? Pink
What is your favorite food? Sandwich
What do you like to do with your family? Go to the aquariam
What is your favorite toy? Legos
What do you want to be when you grow up? Doctor
What makes you happy? Being with my family
What makes you sad? Being alone in my room
What is your favorite show to watch? Lord of the Rings and Hobbit
What is your favorite book? Put me in the zoo
What do you love to learn about? Writing
What was the best part of your birthday? Legos
Where do you like to go? The beach
Who is your teacher? Ms. Epps
What is your favorite treat? Chocolate
What do you think about before you fall asleep?  "Well that is a very interesting question....falling asleep."
If you could meet someone famous who would it be? No one I guess
What was your favorite birthday present? Legos or iPod

The sleeping one just kills me! Hah! I love kids.



Tuesday, March 11, 2014

How do you do.

While catching up on blogs instead of working (I know AWFUL employee) I came across a couple that had this Youtube video as their topic. I'm sure I'm the last one to see it and comment on it but I wanted to anyways.

This was probably one of the greatest and most inspirational pieces I have heard in a while. 

We as adults rely to much on what other people think of us (this is one of my biggest faults) and most of those other people are magazines with hours of Photoshop and perfectly placed words. 

Our children believe they are to be given everything they want/need and don't have to work for it because mommy and daddy will do it. WRONG. We worked to get to where we are and there is no reason they shouldn't. Make your children get jobs and when they get older and have a career they love because they worked hard they will thank you and you will thank you because you don't have your 30 yr old living in your basement watching your cable while you still work. 

My favorite part of his speech though was to live life and to build the life you want to live. I know most days I don't and especially being here, we don't love it, I don't love it, but we need to make the best of it. It's hard and I admit it but if we don't find some enjoyment out of it then we will waste 2-3 years being miserable just getting by instead of being happy and making it something to look back on. Life is what you put into it. 

So yes I'm behind on the times but hopefully for all of you who have watched this, watch it again for a fun refresher. 



Thursday, February 27, 2014

A whole lotta nothing

It's National Strawberry day. Yummo! Go get yo'self some strawberries and enjoy because they are healthy and delicious and if you're lucky they are BOGO right now at my local grocery.

I hate dry lips. HATE. There is nothing worse than crunchy lips, well for today anyways. Vaseline Lip Therapy by day and Bag Balm by night.

Have ya'll seen these? WTF? I wouldn't even let my daughter wear them and usually stuff like this is better on children. Please stop.

Why are shoes mandatory? Hook me up with living in a tiki hut on the beach with nothing but swim wear and ponytailed hair all day and night. I do need running water though....



Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Terrorist Tuesday

While everyone is bitching about all the nonsense regarding everything football ads, coaches speeches and players actions I would like you to take a moment of silence for this very dear soul.

Greater the crotchety old bastard flamingo

Greater was 83 when he passed last Friday. He survived the end of the Great Depression and lived through World War II residing at a zoo in Australia. I'm going with crotchety old bastard because the average lifespan of a flamingo is 20-30 years, he said fuck you statistics and pushed on, even after a reported incident with "youths" a couple years ago. I do not know if they were human 10 year olds being shitheads or if they were 2yr old flamingos being asses either way he kicked them to the curb and lived on.

So today all of you bitching about Superbowl ads and morning commutes, you are the terrorist.

Good day.


Monday, February 3, 2014

It's a typical Monday

Usually I am the hater of Tuesdays and tomorrow will probably be no different. Today, however, I am joining the rest of the world and hating on Monday. Reasons?

My hair dryer is shorting out. I only buy the $40 Target dryers so it's not a huge splurge and they usually last for a couple years but still, hate.

I straightened my hair. My hair is longer than I have had it in over 3 years and it's driving me crazy plus my roots are awful so I keep it up. This usually wouldn't be such an issue but humidity is 90% and it's 65 degrees which means in about 5 minutes I'm going to look like I just stuck my finger in the light socket.

My beloved phone is committing suicide. It keeps randomly turning off and and last night decided to not turn on after 7 pm. ANARCHY!

Large DD will pull me through and fingers crossed my clients aren't bat shit crazy. Also, I want to know how to become a puppy bowl ref, Animal Planet please pick me!